Before I start writing this story, let me tell you a little bit about myself—I have never really been the sappy, romantic kinds. I mean yes, I love being in ‘love’ and I love everything that comes with being in a long, serious relationship, but I have never been someone who will go awwww on receiving a box of chocolates or dissolve in a puddle of mush on receiving flowers for no reason. If the chocolates are good, I’ll eat them even if they are in the shape of, I don’t know, spiders; and on most days, I think flowers are a dreadful waste of money and space. My idea of romance is a little, how shall I put it… Non-conventional. Which is where the idea for this feature came from. I’m so sick of all the boring advice that self-appointed experts have been peddling for years to us women. Truth be told, I’d sooner eat my own hand than recommend cooking as a romantic activity—even Cupid would wince and slink back to his corner quietly if he was exposed to the withering looks of Shanta bai as she surveyed the kitchen after the said romantic meal had been cooked!
So here are 7 romantic ideas for the unconventional souls:
Learn to give massages like a pro
No, wait, I’m not turning this article into a cliche after promising you the opposite! Hear me out. The thing is, we’ve all had evenings when all the husband wants is a back massage (a favour he promises to return—and you MUST make him!) So since these scenarios are inevitable—despite feeling more like a PT period from school than sexy-time—you might as well youtube some videos or take a couple of classes at a nearby spa instead of winging it. Since you’re anyway making all that effort, learning the basics will help you get the maximum benefit and a husband who is very, very thankful for your efforts. This one’s short and to-the-point. I loved it.
Sarcastic yet hilarious love notes
This one is my favorite. While a great sense of humour is one of the biggest turn-ons in a man for most women, I got extra lucky in that department. I’m with someone who is not just funny, he’s sarcastic-and-cocky-till-his-last-breath level of hilarious. He’s I-will-make-you-pee-a-little-in-your-pants-with-my-jokes level of hysterical. I mean, his sense of humour was what made me fall for him in the first place (even though this very trait annoys the hell out of me during an argument!). Anyway, coming back to the point, we do this cute thing where we leave each other notes in the house that are funny, yet snarky. Let me give you an example. Last week, I tried to cook him a meal (Hahaha. I’m joking, I can’t cook to save my life. Actually, I made him those instant pasta thingies) but by the time he came back home after a long day, it was late and I’d gone to bed. Next morning, THE PASTA WAS STILL IN THE FRIDGE (the audacity!)—so I wrote him this note and stuck it on the fridge before leaving for work.
Dear ungrateful-yet-hot beau,
I slaved my a** off for several minutes to cook this fantastic, mouth-watering instant pasta for YOU. Kindly eat it today or you will find yourself sleeping on the couch all of next week.
Your extremely caring and loving masterchef girlfriend.
This was punctuated by two passive-aggressive smiley faces (we do this a lot while texting each other). When I came back from work that evening, I found another note stuck on the fridge.
Hello sexy masterchef,
I’m sorry I skipped dinner last night. I swear to lick the plate dry once I’m back home tonight, carrying your favourite bottle of wine. I brought our clothes back from the laundry in the morning, put them in the wardrobe and put the couch for sale on eBay. The bids are going pretty strong at the moment. See you at night.
Your instant-pasta-crazy boyfriend.
(Gotta love this man. Sigh.)
Build a bubble-wrap fort
I haven’t done this yet, but the idea struck me in my dreams last week and I CANNOT STOP THINKING ABOUT IT! Arrange for lots and lots and lots of bubble wraps (resist the urge to burst them all up before building the fort—I know it is tough, but trust me, the end product will be worth it) and then use sellotape to build a cozy little fort. What you do in the fort is your business entirely! If you do try this, make a video (of the fort, not what happens after, silly!) and share it with us. I couldn’t find a single youtube video. How has no one thought of this? I am a genius. But here’s one of grown people going crazy in a bubble wrap jump pool.
Arrange a serendipity date
Recreate the setting of your first meeting. That would be so cool, no? Plus, I’m sure he’ll be taken aback if you do it on a regular day and not just a birthday or an anniversary. Be it the restaurant, the bus stop or the friend’s place where you first met—recreate that entire event and watch his jaw drop.
Make him a signature cocktail
Which man can refuse this? It’s super easy to make at home and perfect after a hot summer’s day. I shall share my not-so-secret recipe of gin and juice in just a bit. Thank me later. Even Snoop Dogg recommends it, in case you have doubts about the veracity of my claims. So, here we go. You need about 50ml gin, 50ml grapefruit juice, 75ml orange juice and a slice of lime. Pour all these ingredients into the shaker, add some ice and shake well. Fill a highball glass with ice cubes and empty the contents of the shaker in it. Serve with a lime slice and a come-hither smile. Hic.
Visit a vineyard
If you’re both wine lovers like us, you must try this one. Plan a short trip to a nearby vineyard (Sula Vineyards in Nasik, if you live in Mumbai/Pune or Grover Vineyards in Nandi Hills if you live in Bangalore) with your husband and spend a warm afternoon strolling down rows and rows of grapes and obviously, drinking glasses and glasses of sangria. Yum.
Repair his beloved, well-worn objects
Repair something he loves that’s well past its prime but he can’t get himself to give it away. It could be anything from a well-worn t-shirt to a Mickey Mouse watch, his childhood cricket bat, a CD player or his very first car/bike. Get it repaired as best as you can and see his face light up at your thoughtful gesture. This one, he’ll never forget, I promise you!
(Note: This post of mine was originally published in Yowoto on 30th September 2014)