Hi. So, where do you think this blog post is heading towards? [Pssst.. quick hint: Doom.]
If you’re an Indian girl above 21 with female body parts; I’m sure by now you have already heard this ‘cute’ question a million times, “When are you getting married?”.
Aww. So seriously, when are you getting married, woman? Wear a saree, cook a tasty meal, and quickly answer to the society about an extremely personal decision of your life, because it is important to them. Even more important than it is to you.
My Facebook page is no longer a place where you chat/interact with people, post witty status messages or share pictures of your cat. It is now a matrimonial site where Mark Zuckerberg unknowingly has become a ‘pundit’ who chants mantras in the form of relationship status updates.
Now, in my Facebook friend list I obviously fall in the meager 20% bracket who is an unmarried 25-year-old girl *shudder* and who intends to not get married for as long as she thinks she doesn’t want to. I’m definitely happy for all the kids who thought having a baby at 23 was cool and for all the women who took that big leap of faith in the hope of a ‘happily ever after’ and ‘the one’. I really am, because obviously, pigs fly and Mills & Boons is for real.
So, I don’t know what your reasons are to take this giant leap (and no, please don’t give ‘I love him’ as a reason and make me cringe. This is not a Sooraj Barjatya film and I’m not your target audience), but I’ll tell you what your reasons shouldn’t be. So, here are the top 15:
1) I’m getting married because my family/society/relatives/neighbors/neighbors dog/boyfriend’s family/boyfriend’s neighbors thinks I should.
You will be in this marriage. And, he will be in this marriage. Neighbor’s dog will only come, pee in your yard and go away. Get it?
2) Because, I’m getting old and my biological clock is ticking.
Would you rather get old and wait for the right time when you think you’re ‘ready’ for marriage OR marry someone in a hurry because you want to upload a ‘My 25th birthday with hubby <3’ picture on Facebook?
3) Everyone else is!
If this is your reason, you’re a douche and I pity your existence. Ugh.
4) I want to look the most beautiful on that day till I have the time/ I don’t want to be an old bride.
Slow claps for the brains you possess. Also, kindly Google pictures of Julianne Moore, Demi Moore, Liz Hurley (lol), Salma Hayek as ’40 year old’ brides, and take notes.
5) I want to be a mom.
Do you want to be a mom with the person you want to happily spend the rest of your life with or are you getting married to this guy just because you want some of his fastest sperms? Because, you can get that stuff in a sperm bank too, you know.
PS: Getting married when you’re ready is important because you don’t want a nasty divorce and a child that you SO wanted stuck in the middle of that mess!
6) It is the wedding season!
Be a wedding photographer and cash in on that season rather than voluntarily ruining your life.
7) Ooh.. I want to be in that wedding dress! / I want the gifts!
And, what are your plans once the wedding gets over and the marriage starts?
8) He/ She is ‘the one’.
Aw honey. Here, come. I’ll hug you.
9) We have been dating for like forever. This is the logical, next step.
Only if you want it to be. There’s no right or wrong step. Do what you feel is right for your relationship.
10) Pandit Ji thinks so/ Our kundalis matched.
Oh wow. My Time Machine works! Hello 1852.
11) Because, I’m tired of living with my parents.
Shift to a different city. Get yourself a job, you lazy ass moron.
12) All my exes are married.
HAHAHAHAHA *points and laughs*
13) Our sex life is great.
I really am genuinely happy for you, but you don’t need a ring in your finger in order to continue getting awesome orgasms.
14) My last relationships didn’t work out. This is my only way to be happy.
I just want to cry. And then, feed you cupcakes.
15) I want to look good in the candid wedding photographs and upload it on Facebook/ I want to update my relationship status to ‘Married’/ I want a new DP.
Your dad should have used a condom that night.
So basically, get married for the ‘right reasons’. If you want to. If he wants to. Not because the society thinks so. Or some stupid astrologer thinks you must, because of some stars and planets thousands of light years away. Don’t get married if you don’t want to. Like, ever. This is not a competition. And you’re not falling behind the crowd.
Life is short. Don’t be a douche. Live it the way you want.